I’ve been unemployed for 4 months

+ a list of things I do every day to stay sane

Femme au Tambourin. Pablo Picasso.

For me, the Zoom call came unexpectedly one evening as I walked up to our hotel room in Paris to lie down before dinner. It was a Monday, my day off, and we had just spent all day shopping, eating lunch, and doing whatever one does on their day off in Paris. I hadn’t had service all day (or for my entire four-month stint abroad, for that matter), so I was used to the influx of messages and calls I’d receive as soon as my phone connected to the nearest WiFi signal.

Several buzzes and dings later, I opened up my phone to messages from my manager and several people on my team. “I’m so sorry”, “Are you OK?”, “I had no idea this was coming…”.

Immediately, I logged onto my work email and noticed the unexplained meeting invites on my calendar. Not one or two, but three. As it turns out, they’d been trying to fire me all day.

The time read five minutes past eight—I was already late for the final round of layoff calls. I clicked the link and was met with a screen full of black rectangles, each labeled with the first and last names of my now ex-coworkers. At the center, the somber face of the C-level executive leading the call. What followed was a montage of how valuable we had been to the company’s growth—before the inevitable news that our positions were being eliminated. The call ended as expected. I hung up and stared blankly ahead.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I just lay there on the bed, trying to process everything that had just happened. I felt a wave of emotions ranging from exhilaration and freedom to complete doom and despair. My boyfriend looked at me and said, “I can’t believe how well you’re taking this. I really expected at least a tear or two.”

In reality, all I really felt was numbness.

They say numbness is the result of too much emotion at once. The body recognizes the risk and shuts it down, as a sort of protection mechanism against itself. So that we feel capable of continuing on.

We slowly made our way downstairs to the hotel lobby for dinner. It took all the energy I could muster just to get a bite to eat before going to bed. We toasted with a glass of champagne that I barely remember drinking. At the dinner table, when I asked, “What am I going to do now?” the only response I got was, “You’re going to make searching for a job your full-time job.” At that, a knot formed in my stomach, and suddenly, I had no appetite.

I stayed in Paris for the next ten days, long after my sister, her fiancé, and my boyfriend had left. A friend of mine was staying in an Airbnb in a nearby arrondissement, and it felt like the perfect escape to continue avoiding reality a while longer.

Over the next few days, I wandered around Paris, visited bookshops, drank overpriced coffees, and wandered in and out of boutique shops. I spent evenings reading in cafés as the sky darkened in the late afternoon. In the evenings, we made dinner at home or went out with friends. For the most part, everything felt okay—except for the heavy cloud looming closer with each day that passed.

On my last night in Paris, I couldn’t sleep. A gathering next door buzzed with conversation and laughter, meanwhile my heart pounded quickly in my chest. It felt as though I had been avoiding reality for too long. I longed for my routine, something familiar to ground me again.

The next evening, I arrived in Copenhagen, where I would stay for the next month and a half—at least until it was time to go back to New York for the holidays.

Without a laptop or cell service beyond a reliable WiFi connection, I reclaimed my time in a new and refreshing way. Rather than spending early afternoons and evenings late into the night hunched behind my laptop, I carved out time for long walks in the crisp late-Autumn air and returned to a regular heated yoga practice. Looking back, I realize it was these small rituals that kept me (mostly) sane.

What follows is a full list of the habits that helped me navigate this uncertain time. If you’re going through something similar, I hope you find inspiration in these rituals—and, most importantly, a reminder that you’re not alone.

Wake up at the same time every day. I wake up within the same hour time frame on weekdays, usually between 7 and 8 in the morning. Keeping a consistent wake-up time helps to create routine and structure in my otherwise unwieldy days.

Prioritize time for meals throughout the day. Obviously, but you’d be surprised what having zero structure can do to your eating habits. Getting adequate nutrition and fuel for my body has always been a key aspect to my over feeling of well-being, and I did not want to let unemployment get in the way of that. In fact, I’m finding so much peace in the extra minutes I have to enjoy my meals instead of rushing through them.

Move your body. I know this is sounding like a wellness 101 list at this point, but it helps to know that there are things I can do every day that are entirely within my control. Whether it’s a 10-minute walk around the block, a heated yoga class, or a sweaty HIIT class, I always feel better after moving my body.

Create dedicated time blocks for job applications. Instead of putting the pressure on myself to be “job searching as my full-time job,” which is what most people will tell you to do when you’re unemployed, I prefer to set time blocks so as not to get overwhelmed or burnt out. Throughout the day, I dedicate around 2-4 hours for resume rewrites and submitting job applications.

Go outside. Meet people, connect, share stories, laugh, cry—whatever it is you need to do for some social interaction. You never know where a conversation might lead, who you’ll meet, or the coffee shop you’ll stumble into. Regardless, just because you’re unemployed doesn’t mean you stop being human, you still need social interaction and engagement from others. This alone has saved me from many spirals and depressive episodes.

Avoid mindlessly scrolling LinkedIn (and other social media platforms). Sometimes when you’re on the job hunt, you forget LinkedIn is a social platform, too. Scrolling through your feed to see posts about how bad the job market is, the friend that just got a promotion, or your old boss who was also recently laid off is not going to help YOU land your next job. Unfortunately, it’s just a comparison trap like all the other social networks we fall victim to. If you’re going to use LinkedIn, be intentional about it.

Shift your perspective. You’d be surprised to find there are actually many ways to shift your perspective by incorporating small changes in your everyday life. Take a different route on your walk. Visit a new coffee shop. Reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. Reach out to someone you’ve never met. Stand upside down in your yoga class. Travel (if you can). Visit a new part of town. Do something that is not a part of your everyday routine and notice how it changes the way you think about things in your life.

Lean on your support system. Feeling safe and supported is by far one of the most important things to consider when you become unemployed—to know you are not alone. To know that you have people in your life who will catch you when you fall makes all the difference. I’ve found myself leaning on the people in my life at all points throughout my unemployment. Don’t discount that there are people in all corners of your life who are rooting for you.

Do one thing every day to bring you closer to your big picture goals. It can be easy to get caught in the day-to-day of finding a job or making money. The big dreams you once had for your career can feel like they’re blowing out the window. You still have control over the direction of your career. Take 30 minutes every day to get you closer to that goal. Find opportunities that align even just slightly with what you really want to do.